“You instilled a sense of fear within your kin, and chose to continue the cycle of criminalizing, humiliating Black children. I will disrupt that cycle, and I stand by those words.”
CW: Mentions of suicide, ableism, self-harm
To my relative who called the police,
When I was 12 years old, you and mom gave me “the talk,” that Black parents give their children to survive being racially profiled by the police.
3 months after telling me I am more likely to be arrested and incarcerated than white girls my age, you decided to call the police.
When I was a danger to myself and not to you, you told them that you “feared for your life.”
You left me in a room alone with two armed white male cops, who told me, “he called us because he loves you and wants you to be safe.”
By telling me that I’m “rewriting history,” telling me to my face that “it doesn’t matter because it’s in the past,” you erase how traumatized I am to this day from,
The moments you cared more about protecting your items, and not me, and continuing to intimidate me with the decision you have made during the lowest point in my life.
The times you recorded videos of yourself screaming or laughing at me during my worst moments, and took pictures while you taunted me during my suicide attempts,
And the time you told me to “quit acting like a child,” when I really was a child.
Even though you advised me to “be more forgiving,” and bragged to me about how much you’ve grown from my pain, you allowed so-called mental health professionals to demonize me, and rob me of the room to grow from my mistakes,
Throughout the rest of my childhood, you followed the advise of white, so-called mental health professionals who demonized me while asking me to relive my past,
By calling my mental health crises a “tantrum,” and calling me a “thug,” a “hooligan,” and a “criminal,”
Supporting your decision to call the police on a 12-year-old Black girl having mental health crisis, calling it “perfectly normal,”
And saying to my face that I deserved to be criminalized, saying that I was “doing something to threaten you,” and that “If [I] act like a criminal, [I] should be threated like one.”
By putting my Black life on the line in the name of “teaching me a lesson,”
The same way the world demonized and criminalized you as a Black child,
You instilled a sense of fear within your kin, and chose to continue the cycle of criminalizing, humiliating Black children.
I will disrupt that cycle, and I stand by those words.