My Name Presides in Shabby Conformation

By Sinenhlanhla londiwe Meyiwa Magcaba • 

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My name resides in shabby conformation

I take a few steps but then

Fail to find the strength to face them

Spank! I feel a hand on my bum

I turn to shriek but words do not come out of my mouth

Words have always failed me

I cover my body in thick robes

For the world I live in 

There are slurs at women who express their womanhood

I wore a bum short and they called me isifebe

I wore thick robes and still got raped

Kanti what is a woman to do around here

I cry alone and slit my wrists while doing it

But unfortunately I do not die

But the pain is enough 

To fuel my desire for vengeance

Then saturday comes and my mom asks me

To come to church with

But why would I do that

Because god has failed me

I pray in silence and hope my prayers

Are good enough to be answered

I hope these tears I cry 

Will form the ocean that you will drown in

I hope you choke on my tears

And taste the saltiness of my hatred

For you have wronged me

And I hope you never enjoy another day on this earth

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This poem was originally published on UzanokuKhanya and written by Sinenhlanhla londiwe Meyiwa Magcaba, a depressed sexual violence survivor and aspiring writer, who wants to change the Black community’s beliefs and norms explicitly through her writings.