I am Sick and Tired

“But pointing fingers will not solve our problems too, so we need to come up with solutions and one way in which we can do that is by liberating the mind by absorbing information from the right sources and using it to change our fate.” – Sinenhlanhla londiwe Meyiwa Magcaba

By Sinenhlanhla londiwe Meyiwa Magcaba • 

This was originally published on UzanokuKhanya and re-published on Afroféminas •  

I am sick and tired of trying to fit in this paradigm that was erected in a manner that has no consideration for my being even a glitch. I am sick and tired that in my own country I can not live my life to fullest, sick and tired that every time I apraise my ancestors I have to report to someone and get permission for animal sacrificing.

For years I used to think that in order for me to be deemed intelligent I have to speak English, and not just any English, fine twangy English. These are the kind of thoughts that are in motion in most Africans minds and not because of their own choosing but because of societal beaurocracies.

When conquerors’ came to our country they had one end goal in mind, and it was that they needed to gain power, even if that meant distorting and manipulating information. So, they did, which is why you find young girls in Umlazi and Tafelkop, who have never even met a white person burning their heads crimson, just so they can have silky shiny hair. It is also the reason why our mothers and fathers feel the need to behave like Caucasians.

We need to rectify those distortions and manipulations, unravel and dismantle them so that the next generation is not lost like ours, and so that they understand mama Africa for who she really is. I know that is easier said than done but if we stick together as people we will find a way and we will restore Africa to its true greatness.

The way we are living right now is not very ideal we have to domesticate our true selves in order for us to fit in because some people can’t handle our greatness. We also need to prepare the next generation for the world that they are growing into. Let them know that, yes, we are living in a Democratic country now, but the racist white people did not get swallowed up by a giant hole or uproot to other countries. They are still amongst us, and are breathing out that rotten mentality of racism and discrimination.

The more time we spend trying to be like our conquerors the more they get pleased because their wish is to see us with no culture, no heritage, no language and pride. They are self-serving and stupid, if I might add because god created us differently for a reason. If we were all to mimic each other, the world would be a boring place. I think it’s time we took back the reigns and pave our own way because we are custom-made and were never meant to fit in and we should embrace that and be proud of it.

We should carry the same pride our forefathers did sikhulume umageba whenever we feel like it and not be embarrassed by it. It’s a pity that when an African person calls a white person racist and points out their wrongs. People are quick to say that we are hindering the rainbow nation. Now let me ask this: How are we a rainbow nation when we have Caucasians calling us kaffirs every time we get into a disagreement with them? Or is this so called rainbow nation one colour? How can we claim that we are free when we still get scoffed for wearing isiphandla, cast aside for the colour of our skin?

The time we spend trying to be like our conquerors is time wasted. Instead, we should be calling each other to correction and redefining our future because the future I see for us is doom and gloom; doom and gloom, because most of Africans are suffering from cultural erosion, and each day we lose about 2% of ourselves. We spend so much trying to please and befriend our conquerors that we alienate ourselves from things that really matter to us like culture, Ubuntu and respect. It is not too late. We can still resurrect ourselves because in case you did not know, no one will solve our problems for us, and definitely not white people, as they are some of the reasons we have those problems to begin with.

Pointing fingers will not solve our problems too, so we need to come up with solutions, and one way in which we can do that is by liberating the mind by absorbing information from the right sources, and using it to change our fate. Last, but not least, white people aren’t rich because they are better planners than us. They are rich because they have had more time with money, and understand it better. They are not good inventors because they are the smartest, in the sense that they have had more time with technology.

Sinenhlanhla londiwe Meyiwa Magcaba is a depressed sexual violence survivor and aspiring writer who wants to change the Black community’s beliefs and norms explicitly through her writings.

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Black Feminist Collective is an intergenerational group that stands for Black liberation in its entirety, centering the voices of Black feminists and womanists.

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