“Uterus Support: A Letter to Some of My Dudes,” by Mia Birdsong

By Mia Birdsong •

Originally published on Medium

I sent this to many of the cis-het men I know. One of them (thanks, Mordecai!) asked me to make it a Medium post so he could share it.

Hi, my cis-het dude friends and family!

How are you doing? Great, I hope! So, as well-informed, thoughtful people, I know you’ve been horrified by the abortion bans that cis white men and cis white women are trying to push through in Alabama, Georgia, Missouri, Mississippi, Ohio, and god knows where else.

And as men who love — and love to have sex with!— women, I’m sure you’re aware how much you and people like you benefit from people who have a uterus having access to comprehensive reproductive healthcare, which, of course, includes abortion.

You definitely love several people who have had abortions. I’m sure some of you have benefited directly from someone you had sex with having access to abortion. (Phew!) I think it’s safe to say that many of your lives would be very, very different without abortion! I know mine would. I’ve had two!

I wonder if you’ve ever thought about the amount of money the people you’ve had delightful, penetrative sex with have had to spend on birth control, pap smears, yeast infection medicine, gyno exams — all the stuffthat keeps our pleasure parts healthy. It’s all kinds of stuff I’m betting you generally don’t have to think about when it comes to your penis and balls. Sure, some of you are probably having to do a little more management now that you’re older.

But, I mean, I started going to the gynecologist when I was 13 and took birth control pills for more than a decade. We uterus-ed people just generally have more health care costs than you sperm-producing people. And abortions — those are expensive! And if you live in a state with, like, one clinic in a 200 mile radius and a 48 hour waiting period, the costs add up.

So, in honor of all the sex you’ve had in your life, I’m here in your inbox asking you to spend some money you didn’t have to spend on the pill or Monistat or bloody tampons to support the Black women who have been fighting for reproductive justice for a minute. There are so many! Here are just a few options:

If you have a partner with a uterus who has already donated recently, please triple their donation. Also, definitely pass this on to your sperm-producing friends who have penetrative sex with uterus-ed people.

Like many of you who grew up understanding gender as a binary, I still struggle to say what I really mean when it comes to gender, body parts, and sex. I apologize in advance for the ways in which I may have gotten in wrong here. Anyone who reads this has open invitation to correcting me so I can do better next time.

Mia Birdsong is a pathfinder, community curator, and storyteller who steadily engages the leadership and wisdom of people experiencing injustice to chart new visions of American life.